It’s been a needed delay for the most part. Finances really didn’t line up and when they did, I let another snag get in the way and delayed the process even further. It’s not been fair to any of the involved parties: my girlfriend, my ex, her friends and family and her boyfriend. When you sit down and honestly think back to how something like a divorce has a ripple effect, it’s pretty staggering. The whole process is designed to make you a mean, bitter person. Not to mention, it’s surrounded with so much stigma, especially here in the south. And I’m not sure why. Taking religion out of it, completely, why would I stay with someone who I once loved, that makes me unhappy? It doesn’t make any sense. Well, at least to me.

I’ll be glad when it’s done and leave this behind. It was a learning and growing experience. I hold no hate or anger towards my ex. Our relationship has enabled me to be open and honest with myself and others. I will be forever thankful for that. But it’s overdue to make this change. Long overdue.

I feel that I’ve been doing a lot of growing as of late, in both my personal and professional lives. One realization I’ve come to in the last week or so it that, on both fronts: I’ve been too comfortable. I remember saying to one of my friends this week: I just want to get to a point in my life where I can know what’s expected. But a hidden truth in life, hidden in plain site, is that you don’t ever know what to expect. No one does. Everything is changing constantly. And you can’t get too comfortable, because as soon as you do, you get a huge kick in the pants from life. HUGE.

On the flip side, I’ve got to learn to get more comfortable with other aspects of my life. Confrontation, patience, consistency,  and my physical self are all aspects I need to re-evaluate with a few more dashes of comfort and confidence. I’m sure a contributing factor to why this divorce has taken so long is my fear of confrontation. Which doesn’t make a lot of sense, seeing as all of the best things that have happend in my life recently are a direct result of confrontation.

The trick is learning to balance that comfort level. Know when you need more comfort in some aspects of your life and when to expel the bad comfort. Know when it’s time for a change, when it’s time to push yourself harder, and when it’s time to learn something new about yourself.

As for me, I’m not getting the results I want. I think it’s time to re-focus. Just like my crossfit workouts, I’ve been chasing RX’s, heavy weights, and speed, speed, speed. And, despite all of that, I’ve plateaued on my weight. While I’m sure I’ve put on quite a bit of muscle, I still have a good amount of weight to lose. Enough that I should still be dropping pounds on a regular basis. And I’m still at that cusp of just under 100 lbs lost. The funny thing is that during my week off, I actually dropped even closer to my 100lb milestone. After talking to one of the coaches, it’s time to refocus my workouts and work on the little things: form and consistency. Hopefully, but focusing on the little things, the bigger things will come.

I went to a great goal setting workshop back in January. I took some great notes, but never really followed thru and did anything with the notes. Which is a shame. I think it’s time to do that. Here’s a bit of what was shared: revisit your wants, refine your goals, and setup an action plan. Seems easy enough. But it takes honesty when going thru this to really see results. Maybe I’m ready for that next level of honesty. Maybe I’m ready for this. After all, if you’re not willing to call your shot, you’re not willing to work for it.

Amazing experience! Just as good as last year and got to meet so many great and talented people doing amazing things. I always going to well run events and TEDxPeachTree, for the second year in a row, has been one of the “Best Run” conferences I’ve every been to. I can’t wait for the videos to go up so I can show you some of the passionate presentations and performances from people like @courtneyspence and @DantesRameau.

One experience I want to share was actually my last. I decided to head back a little home a little early so I could catch some local improv last night. I wasn’t the only one leaving. I walked to the parking lot with Dan. He was heading to the airport to go support his wife, who is running the NYC marathon today. I told him that I had just started running and he replied, “I just don’t like running. I’ve tried but I just can’t do it.” I told him that I too, dreaded running, but couldn’t get enough of that ‘runner’s high’.

And the he said: “My wife says the same thing”. Huh. Maybe I am becoming a runner.

Heading down to Legion Field at about 2pm. But until then, I’m headed off to Black Creek park to get one of my last runs up there in. Going to start moving my crap next week. Can’t wait till I’m “downtown”.

As most know, I’m passionate about UAB. 5 years of blood, sweat and tears as the mascot kinda does that. But the events that transpired this week… well, they have forced us to fight! I’m trying to recharge a bit this morning, so head over to FreeUAB.com to catch up.

I’m in ATL today for TEDxPeachTree. Looking forward to a bit of time away from all the UAB stuff and I’ll be luck enough to be surrounded by some of the most amazing minds in the world. I can’t wait for things to start.

With that said, Runkeeper, the app that I use to track my running, clocked me at 4.14 miles in about 44:30 minutes. Now I have to say I can’t believe that I was that fast just yet. That being said, it was a fast course and did feel like I was much faster than I usually would be. I’ll probably run it a couple more times before the actual 5k, which is in about 3 weeks. I’m hoping to finish in just under 40 minutes. But we’ll see about that.

Last night I decided to keep it low-key and not go to “Peaches n’ Screams” down off of 2nd Ave. N. I actually stayed in a bit longer than I intended playing WOW and downing the latest raid boss! w00t! That said, soon as Rag was down, I threw on my costume and headed down to a friends party in Avondale. It was a small, intimate party at a lovely little house.

As you walked it, you could tell that Paden, the homeowner, was a very minimalistic, but artsy person. Through out the house was a mixture of whites, bashes, and topes, off-set by dark wooded furniture. Her kitchens seemed to be transported from an French villa. Chicken-wire cabinets held beautiful expresso glasses, a creeping vine lined the tops of ceramic pots along the window sil, and the smell of great snacks all lent themselves to the illusion. And the back yard had been transformed into an intimate garden space, with plenty of isolated, yet connected areas that would be perfect for entertaining. It’s truly an incredible place.

Not to mention Paden. While I’ve only met her twice, she’s one of those people who, when she looks at you, you feel as if she’s not looking at you, but into you, as if seeing something that only they can see about you. Sometimes seeing something you don’t even know exists. I truly believe people, like Paden, see the world differently than most of us. I know that it’s true of her from some of the photography that I was privileged to get to see.

The party as a whole, was amazing. While small and intimate, no one was shy or bashful and I’m sure there are a great many photos to be seen on Facebook over then next few days. I kinda have a feeling that even I’m going to have a new avatar popping up shortly.

Trying to relax today. There’s kickball up at George Ward park here in a couple of hours. I might go on a short 2 mile run before that. Or, I might nap and go afterwards. Definitely going to drop by the gym later today. Just another lazy Sunday…

That said, it should still be pretty awesome.

I slept in this morning and I’m about to bundle up and head out to go run the Ruben Studdard/IronTribe 5k “Fun Run” route downtown.

I’m not sure what it is about running lately, but it’s been almost like a haven for me. It drags me out of the black hole and gives me confidence when I’m down. Not to mention that it’s helping my body change. My legs look like pieces of sculpture that are being carved out, run by run. I’m really excited to see the end result, though I know my weight loss is a process that’s going to take it’s own sweet time.

Most of the time, what we want is just an irrational sense of entitlement that pushes us to get what we want right this second, rather that have patience and wait for what’s right for us. And, when tempted with something that we want, it’s usually our intelligence that calms us down, talks sense into us, and brings us down to earth. But this week, I think my intelligence is on vacation, because I was headed for something that I really wanted that I knew wasn’t right. Not even close by a LONG shot. Luckily, I’ve had the support and advice from a couple of my very close friends who have talked me back from the ledge of a seemingly bottomless pit of want.

I’m not going to lie, the want is still there. And it burns. Bad. Sometimes I think it’s an actual physical pain. But it’s something I’ve got to manage. At some point, hopefully soon, the worlds of right and want will again be as one. Until then, I fear there’s going to be a lot of emotional pain I’ve still got to weather.

As I sit here, looking out the bay window for what will be one of the last times, I know I’ll keep the sounds of the rolling waves tucked away in my mind’s eye. The views here are nothing short of amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever really taken in the beauty and power of the ocean. Just sitting out on the balcony at night, the moonlight glistening for miles across the calm waters just frankly take my breath away.

Well, it’s time to pack up. Return to the reality of the daily grind. But I’ll have my pictures, my memories, and the quiet places in my mind’s eye that I can return to at night or in stressful situations.

1) Joined a gym. Just about past that 2 week “OMG it hurts” phase. Wasn’t as bad as I remembered it.
2) Haven’t lost any weight per-se, but haven’t gained either.
3) Created new hole in the belt. Haven’t measured yet, but I’m pretty sure I’m at nearly 8 inches lost for the year.
4) Massive illness struck beginning of this week. Doctor laughed and called it “worst case of a sinus infection I’d ever seen”.

So, tonight was the last night of my improv class with Doug and Cali from ETC Bham. Great class. If you’ve ever looked at improv and said, “I could do that!”, sign up for the class this fall. Not as easy as it looks, I promise you.

But that said, I had an amazing time with an incredible cast of classmates. Zan, Randall, Austin, Molly, Mike and Lindsey each added their own flair to the class and provided great challenges and opportunities in each of their performances. I hope to stay in touch with them and who knows? Maybe we get together for a evening of reminiscing…

Getting “up and at’em” again was a delight. I didn’t realize how much I missed performing in front of an audience. But the more and more we did, the more and more I started to notice a few universals about myself. Just reoccurring themes in my interactions, both on-stage and off-stage.

1) I talk about myself WAAAAAY to damn much. I’m constantly trying to connect things back to myself in some form or fashion that it makes me seem really self-centered.
2) I don’t feel authentic, even when I’m trying to be authentic. I think this goes back to the whole “socially awkwardness” that I’ve been experiencing. I want to relate and not be “that creepy guy who sits in the back and seems not to have any friends”. Finding commonality is difficult in such a short timespan of conversation. It’s so much easier when you can Facebook stalk them before making a comment on Facebook/Twitter. Other people do that too, right?
3) I try too hard to impress. I over-think. I’m pretty sure this is just carry-over from my job where I commonly have to think for others. When I step out of that environment, I forget that others don’t need me to think for them. I don’t have to help finish every thought. I don’t always have to have the last word on everything. It’s ok for me to just sit there and be quiet. It’s acceptable. I just need to find a way to accept that.

I’m going to miss the class. I’m going to keep playing the games, working on my characters, and who knows, I might even write a little standup while I’m at it. Just for kicks.

“A good laugh heals a lot of hurts.” — Madeleine L’Engle

While it’s not the most terribly manly thing to admit, my favorite playlist that I have is named “Music of a fully-tattooed fourteen year old female programmer from the 80s”. It’s a schizophrenic collection of my favorite songs that tend to keep me in a good mood when I’m pounding away at emails. One of those songs in particular, (and again, not the most manly song around) is “What The Hell”, by punk-pop sensation Avril Lavigne. The refrain in particular has recently been quite motivating to me.

All my life I’ve been good,
But now I’m thinking What The Hell?
All I want is to mess around,
And I don’t really care about,
If you love me
If you hate me
You can save me
Baby, baby
All my life I’ve been good
But now
Whoaaa…
What The Hell?

I’m pretty sure these lyrics pretty much sum up the direction I want to go for the foreseeable future. What the Hell? Let’s take an improv class. What the Hell? Let’s stay out late till the sun comes up. What the Hell? Let’s lose 100 pounds to look and feel awesome. I’ve been going with the flow for too long. It’s time to decide what I want for myself and pursue it.

I know that most people go through this phase at some point in the lives. You know, the one when they shed the expectations of others and do what they think is best for them, right or wrong. Usually this happens in adolescence and involves makeup that’s used in Twilight. I think I’m finally going through that phase in my life. A little late at 27, I know. But I guess it was bound to happen at some point.

What’s your anthem? Is there a song that you find sums up where you want to go with your life? Share in the comments!

Had bro-night with my best friend Tuesday night. Great dinner and horrible movie only cost me $7! We went to go see Capt. America and a local radio station was having a free screening of “30 minutes or less”. Not a great movie, but totally worth the price of admission *rimshot*.

I’ve really been taking a second look at my relationships with friends. What makes them tick, especially the long term ones. For instance, my best friend, Jamie. When we’re together, we constantly jar and joke, as any good set of childhood friends would. But one thing I really noticed was that he always challenges me. usually with him, it’s on higher-level concepts. My political beliefs, my thoughts on privacy, and many more, much nerdier things I’m not willing to go into detail about here.

I’ve had to make some tough decisions about relationships, as most of us do throughout our lives. Some relationships we can’t help but to run into. Those can be struggles, but in the end we are generally come out the other side a better and stronger person. But it’s the relationships we chose to have that really help make us who we are. They shape our attitudes, behaviors, and quality of life.

I know one thing that I need in my life right now are challenges. I need to challenge myself physically, mentally, spiritually, and, probably most of all, socially. I’ve updated one of my goals: Learn to Re-connect in Real Life – I’m going to surround myself with people who challenge me on some level. It’s time to get myself on the right track again.

Question for the Comments: First person to pop into your head: Who challenges you? How do they challenge you? How did you meet them?